I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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