Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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