Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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