he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
