Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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