It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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