peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
