he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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