there's paper in my vomit.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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