is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just cropdusted the office
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
