I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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