drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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