dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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