i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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