i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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