it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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