Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
