some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
