If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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