No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
