What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You can't just leave with hair like that
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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