u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
