I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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