Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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