you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
