OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
