there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
