My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
