My hand turned me down
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
