Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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