I wish they made helmets for livers.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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