is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
