Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
