May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
