I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
