the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
