You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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