he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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