I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
