first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
