Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
