DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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