You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
