I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
