The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Boobs speak an international language.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
