His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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