I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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