I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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