I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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