don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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